I never understood the reasoning for my naming this blog the "I" road until a few nights ago. I was sitting down trying to calm my mind in meditation after a long bout of not feeling, "seeing" or experiencing God. I don't know what it was, but it felt like a pit of emptiness. In hindsight, I see that it was exactly what I needed. Let me explain.
During the Mass a few months ago, I paid close attention to the reading of the Psalms, where the author is pleading with God for help. When it suddenly dawned on me that many today still have this plea. And so, if the Messiah did indeed come, why does the world still plea? And so the big question came... Where is this Messiah that came and rose from the dead?
Where is Jesus? And so, my plea began... "Where are you? Why have you left us?"
With those thoughts came anger, and I maybe, for the first time understood how and maybe why so many kids who have been abandoned by their parents are angry at them?
"Where is this person that is supposed to protect me, nurture me and love me?" Unlike animals, that usually die if they can't survive, many human beings lash out at their reality in an effort to make sense and stay "alive."
And so I made a plea to my friends, went through the motions, shut my mouth and returned to prayer... and a realization.
If God is infinite then how is there room for me? There can't possibly be... so then where is God?
He's everywhere and not really "out there." But yet, if he is indeed everywhere, then how do I appear to be separate? This is what many mystics have referred to no self or true self. This is the "illusion." If God is everywhere then where are we? It seems that we are not separated per se, but "In God." Reality itself is God an every single human being, all of creation is "in God", we are not God but our very existence, the existence of everything is in God. From the tiniest quark to the largest astronomical suns in the universe, God dwells.
Jesus is the manifestation of God, the fullness of humanity made incarnate. A model, the original idea for humanity. And so, all aspects of life are "in God" and therefore sacred. All life, all of creation is in God. Many religions understanding this, refuse to eat meat, but in reality even plants are an expression of God, but the fullness of God is seen only in one person. Jesus. This understanding came to me during a long drive after a morning prayer session.
And so death it seems, is in itself is a return to God in a form unseen, since all things, even particles of the smallest kind only exist in the reality of God itself.
It seems that our sense of what we assume as a self, is indeed an exile from the very Creator of all. There is only one "I" road and we are all on it.
